Botox & Bull Semen

Or should that be bull seamen? Or just bull. How rich do you have to be to have poison injected into your face and bull jizm massaged into your hair? How rich do you have to be for it not to matter? The future is full of new and exciting products. Can it be a far step from mud pie / mud mask to cow pie / cow pie mask? The bovine beauty mask–not for cows only. Because there is bullshit and there is cow shit. Or as the French might say: Bovin merde masque or the BM Masque–Masque d’Merde.

We all do this don’t we? have those moments where we wonder how people first put some tool to use like a sharp stick, or how they developed cream sauce, or how to control a horse by contolling its head. That sort of, who was the first person to do this and what were they thinking, line of musing. Cooking for instance–picking up the meat that accidentally fell in the fire and eating it.

What were the circumstances where someone got bull semen in their hair and decided it had never been so shiny? How did the bull semen get in the hair to begin with? I’m trying to imagine this. Did a semen extractor come home one day with an extra jar of semen as a gift for his wife and say “Honey, why don’t you put this on your hair?” Is there a by-product to artificial insemination? Is there a sell-by, pull date on frozen bull semen initiating a frantic search for a way to sell it? Why would you even think about it as a hair care product? I expect the answer to this is rather more mundane than I’d like to imagine.

Since dull, lackluster hair is such a global issue with far-reaching ramifications, there are no doubt minions of lab techs working on the problem. Perhaps (what do I know about it) there is an ingredient in semen that makes hair shine–possibly protein. Maybe bull semen has more of it than other sources.

In my heart of hearts I’d like to think that it is part of an elaborate satirical scheme to entertain the masses by making the rich look ridiculous. Leave me with my illusions.